I have Chuck Wendig to thank, once more, for another inspired blog post. His challenge for this week was based on the theme of revenge. Any genre.
I know my last post was a crime laden tale, and, surprisingly, this one is, too.
He gave us 100 words this week instead of 1,000. An entire story, not a vignette. This was a challenge, but a fun one.
I give you my offering.
REVENGE
"You did it and now you will pay."
The gun dug into the soft skin under his chin.
He swallowed and choked out, "Please, I didn't know."
"You saw us together. You knew she was mine."
There was a sharp pain and a loud crack as the baseball bat met his ribs.
He bawled like a baby.
"You did it and you will pay."
He could hear the trigger being squeezed.
"No, please!" he shrieked. His hands, tied behind his back, opened futilely.
The gun fired and he fell to the floor.
"She's all mine now," she said.
That works :)
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you had the same issue I did, where you want to add little bits of detail but cant. The only part that wasn't quite continuous was the transition from gun to chin, bat to ribs, then back. It could be a tiny bit more fluid.
The she said part through me off for a second, but I like it better for it :)
It really is tough to have an entire story in this word limit. I probably revised it 5 times. There was much more detail and transition in the first run, but it went way over the limit.
ReplyDeleteGiven that I wrote it completely and put it up within an hour, all in all, I expect to have some issues. :)
Yeah, I didn't want to give it away that it was a woman doing the killing until the end. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by!
I like things that have an entirely different voice when read the second time.
ReplyDeleteNice!
I like it. I had the same transition issue with the bat seeming to come out of nowhere, but the ending really makes it. I immediately needed to reread it and got a whole different feel for the situation.
ReplyDelete(And I feel your pain. My original story was over 200 words, and lost a LOT of detail to get it down to the 100 word limit!)
Jo @ thehappylogophile